This is an unfortunate habit in that it is essentially waiting for permission to feel successful.
I suspect we get into this pattern due to the seeking of approval from our parents and teachers who become the standard bearers or what’s right and wrong in life.
One problem is this, they teach us that success means that we have effectively achieved “desired” results. Therefore undesirable results are considered failure.
However, when you look at a traditional definition of success it simply refers to “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.” It doesn’t say it has to be the desired one.
One of the most liberating lessons of my life is the realization that no matter what I am doing I am always creating results.
If I stub my toe there is a specific sequence of events that created that result and if I ever wanted to duplicate it I could. I could successfully stub my toe any time I want to. I don’t want to, but I could. Make sense?
Success and our confidence in our ability to be successful begins best when we realize we’re already successful, we know how to create results, we’re never failures.
This is not to say that we should stop where we are and settle for our current results if they aren’t fulfilling.
This is merely offering a view of success that may allow you to be more resilient if the road to your desired outcome is a bit more bumpy than you’d anticipated.
The ultimate measure of success as I’ve come to know it lies in every action that adds value to the lives of others. There is no such thing as too small a gesture when it comes to this.
Smiling at someone who is compelled to smile back, showing your appreciation to someone who then feels appreciated adds value to that moment for both of you.
Holding the door for someone whose arms are filled is a recognition that you saw the person and cared enough to help.
Sure our talents and gifts may be the larger aspects of our personality that may distinguish us from others and become the foundation for a career.
But in my experience, the best talent in the world will only get you so far if you lack the essential quality of kindness toward your fellow human beings.
The headlines are filled with stories of very talented, gifted people whose stars faded fast because in the end they cared more for themselves than others.
The history books are filled with the names of those who gave, then gave some more. Those who loved others as they loved themselves, who lived that value more often than not.
Confidence lies in the certainty of your own ability to create results.
Are you confident in your ability to be kind, helpful, encouraging?
Do you know exactly what to do to be successful in being kind over and over again?
Then all that remains is to do so.
Thanks for being you.
Brian R King
As a cancer survivor, adult with Dyslexia, A.D.D., the father of three sons on the autism spectrum as well as someone who lives on the autism spectrum myself, I’ve learned something very critical. That success in life has nothing to do with circumstances but everything to do with strategies.
I’ve learned that Fear and Excitement are the same feeling, the difference being whether you decide the feeling means that “I can’t” or that “I’m ready!”
I’ve become a master of turning Problems into Possibilities and Obstacles into Opportunities and I’ve learned to teach my clients to do the same thing using what I refer to as “The Effective Factor.” A laser focused ability to make small shifts that create massive results in every area of your life.
I look forward to serving you,
Brian R. King LCSW