Have you ever been presented with any opportunity only to feel some resistance toward it? Saying things to yourself like, “Why do I have to be here?” “What if I don’t like this?”
Questions like that set you up to anticipate pain. Where’s your curiosity? Why not approach it with a sense of wonder instead of impending doom?
Be an experiential detective who is looking to see what’s there. Look to collect evidence through experience and then decide.
New experiences give us the amazing gift of showing us one more example of what life has to offer. My oldest son Zach is an extremely picky eater and only eats about 5 or 6 different foods.
He’s so comfortable with limited options he’s decided any new foods that aren’t one of the current 5 or 6 will suck.
Unfortunately he tends to extend this scarcity thinking to relationships as well. He recently finished his Freshman year of high school and expressed concern about going back because he “didn’t like the other kids.” Upon further examination he approached meeting people the same way he approached food.
Meet as few as possible then make grand generalizations about everybody else.
Would you try on one pair of pants then declare, “these don’t fit, I can’t wear pants” then give up on pants even though there are many racks and sizes to go? Of course you wouldn’t that’s absurd.
A simple fact of life is that you simply won’t know whether you like it or not until you try it on and that includes experiences. A few years ago I decided to take a ride in a glider even though I had significant motion sensitivity.
I was practicing what I preach here. I wanted to know what my actual experience of that would be instead of assuming it would be dreadful. There were some cool things about it such as how quiet it was, but whenever it turned or changed altitude it felt like putting my intestines through a blender.
But now I know. I know it instead of simply assuming it. In our 400 Channel world not every moment of life needs to be entertaining to have value. Experience doesn’t waste our time; we waste our own time when we fail to do the work to find value in it.
Time is always well spent when you walk away with knowledge. Even if that knowledge is as simple as, now I know. I promise you that of all the experiences you have in life the vast majority of them will be try ons.
That’s the only way to get to the ones that really get inside you, help you discover who you are and light you up. This is fun, this is boring, I like this I don’t like that, I feel happy when I do this, I feel sad when I do that.
Only through having experiences can you sort all of that out. Avoiding new experiences creates a situation where you have trouble finding out who you are and what you need. Life is to be experienced so try it on as often as you can.
And don’t stop until you discover the one that’s a perfect fit for you.
Thanks for being you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Brian R. King LCSW is a Relationship Breakthrough Specialist. His breakthrough strategies draw on his experience as a 24 year cancer survivor, adult with Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, A.D.D., the father of three sons on the autism spectrum as well as someone who lives on the autism spectrum himself. His books and seminars have garnered him worldwide attention for his innovative communication and relationship strategies.