Brian R. King“You know, it’s been proven that 35 to 40 hours a year with one-on-one attention, a student can get one grade level higher.” – Dave Eggers

One of my passions in life is discovering the key aspects of relationships that are absolutely necessary for making them work. One of the myths I discovered and hope to shatter is the notion that group work is a key to success.

You see, those of us on the autism spectrum or with other processing challenges spend our days trying to make sense of a world that is fast, crowded and cluttered. A world that has organized itself in warehouse fashion. We crowd our stores, restaurants and classrooms for the sake of efficiency but at the expense of deep, authentic connection with one another.

Those of us who choose to isolate often do so because they have been raised to believe that if you don’t go to bars, parties or concerts then you simply won’t be included in the human experience of socializing. Seriously?

Where is it written that we must congregate in loud, crowded places where we spend more time being distracted and straining to hear ourselves talk and mistaking that for socializing?

If you’re being honest with yourself you’ll realize that the closest relationships in your life are the ones you prefer to experience one on one. The person you want to take a walk with, go to a movie with, and talk all night with, all without the noise that comes from the manufactured norm of collective consumerism that is the exhausting group outings that most often sap your energy instead of recharging it.

I was fortunate to be raised by a father who is also on the autism spectrum. A man who dreamed of working for himself and was able to create a business that accommodated his need for solitude and a desire to be an entrepreneur and serve others. Along with my mother (who was the social face of the company), my father started a business in which he installed burglar and fire alarms for homes and business. He worked after hours, weekends or whenever his work wouldn’t interfere with the business he was serving.

He was able to work alone or with one other person for long periods of time. He made a living, without working in a crowded office and managed to raise four kids.

I work from a home office, working over the phone and internet to serve my clients that span the nation and through social media I am able to help thousands more.

As we raise our kids in crowded classrooms and take them to crowded public places we do so having bought into the myth that life means crowds. This is not true. My wife and I went to a local restaurant yesterday at 3pm and we were the only customers there. Why? Because we went during an off peak time, a strategy that allows us to enjoy a restaurant without the chaos.

We live in a time where the reach of technology allows us to talk with another human being on the other side of the planet that we may have more in common with than our neighbor.

You can meet with your minister one on one if a Sunday church service is too much.

Life is built one moment, one interaction, and one person at a time. To succeed in life is to master the one on one relationship. How do I know this? I live it every day.

Thanks for being you.

About Brian R. King

Brian R. King LCSW (ADHD & ASD Life Coach) is a #1 Best Selling Author, 25-year cancer survivor, adult with Dyslexia, ADHD, and Asperger’s. He’s also the father of three sons on the autism spectrum. He is known worldwide for his books and highly engaging presentations that teach the power of connection and collaboration. His strategies empower others to overcome their differences so they can build powerful and lasting partnerships. His motto is: We’re all in this together.

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