To learn step five of how to recapture the magic in your marriage this week will focus on the letter N
N stands for negativity. We must eliminate negative thoughts about our partner in order to restore the magic we once had in our relationship.
The best example or lesson I learned was in a booklet called the Seven Day Mental Diet.
Imagine you are sitting around a campfire with some friends one evening telling funny stories about your past and about life in general and a spark flies out of the fire and lands on your jacket you immediately brush the spark off your jacket before it can do any damage but if you let it stay there it will burn a hole in the jacket. In the same way, when we entertain negative thoughts and do not eliminate them quickly they do damage to the relationships of the ones we love. I will share how you can get a copy of the Seven Day Mental Diet later on in this post.
If you are in a relationship with someone you love and you find yourself constantly struggling with negative thoughts about yourself or your partner you are not alone and I can truthfully tell you it is not your fault. Do you ever think about how many times we are bombarded with negative news on social media or in the mainstream news media every day? A perfect was a study that was conducted by Robert Schrauf and Julia Sanchez titled Negative Words Dominate Language
The study showed that as a culture we focus more on negative words than positive words because negative words stir up emotions cause us to use more energy to process them. The study also showed that out of the 70,000 thoughts we have per day 50 percent are negative.
What does this have to do with my marriage relationship? It has everything to do with it because if you recall when you were dating your partner you didn’t fall in love with what you didn’t like about them you fell in love with what you loved about them, maybe her smile, his body, how they made you feel. But after you were married or decided to live together you slowly started to notice things you didn’t like about your partner and as you continued to entertain those negative thoughts over and over again it has now become your automatic response.
Take a moment to ponder that thought. Do you struggle with constantly battling negative thoughts about your partner, about life, about yourself?
Do you find yourself noticing positive qualities about other people or negative qualities?
Would it be valuable to you to learn how to substitute negative thoughts and turn them into positive thoughts? I have found the only way to do that is with practice.
In my experience as a weight loss coach from 2008 to 2012, I discovered a bad habit I picked up where found myself judging every person I met or saw in public on their weight or their health. My thoughts were always negative like “that guy is really overweight why doesn’t he do something about it?” As I began to learn more about why I discovered that it was because I viewed myself the same way. If I didn’t eat right or exercise when I had scheduled myself to do so and didn’t follow through my self-esteem was in the toilet. But what I learned just a couple of years later is the reason I was unaware I was doing it was that I had repeated the behavior so many times it had become a habit, it became my automatic response.
When I learned that I was the cause I was determined to change my behavior but I knew it was going to take work, hard mental labor to reprogram my thoughts to be positive. I had to train my conscious to be a guard against any negative thoughts and to substitute them for positive thoughts, One example ill share is when I see an overweight person exercising I used to think “What’s the use unless they control they’re eating they will always be overweight”, Now I am able to substitute that negative thought for ” “I am glad they are committed to working on their health it will save them years of pain down the road”.
I told you early how you could get a copy of the Seven Day Mental Diet and you can request a copy from my website http://familyhealthbydesign.org
It wasn’t easy and the negative thoughts may never go away but I now have the power to change them, and you can too. There is a course called the Master Key Experience. The Masterkey Experience starts the last week in September. If you would like to be notified of the exact date please reach out to me at one of the platforms listed here. Talk To Mike