Shopping for jeans is a horrific experience, second only to trying on bathing suits.

In order to improve the experience, I have fun with it. My latest ploy is to check out my butt in the mirror and loudly declare that it might be dangerous to buy these jeans because they make my butt look like JLo’s.

This never fails to elicit laughter from clerks and customers – anyone within earshot. I especially make a big deal about jeans that have bling on the butt because, you know, the butt looks bigger yet.

The reason my JLo comments are out of place is because I have a thutt – a butt that’s so flat it blends into my thighs.

I have junk in my trunk. The only problem – my trunk’s in a Smart Car.

I regularly exercise and one of the body parts we focus on is the rear end, bumper, badonkadonk, badinkadink, booty, tushy, tuckus, bum, money maker, birthday cake. Shelly, my instructor, always asks what kind of cakes we make in our bakery. The answer – round!

Since I’ve been exercising for several years now, it makes sense that my thutt would round out at least a little. Frankly, I’m of the opinion that it has. I think at least once or twice someone’s briefly had a passing thought that maybe I look slightly like JLo in the backside.

On second thutt, maybe not.

May the farce be with you!

Your IFF,


I've got the Fiat version of JLo's Bumper

I’ve got the Fiat version of JLo’s Bumper

Share This